The Holidays Can be a Tricky Time...

As the holidays approach, there are a lot of complicated feelings that come up.

The holidays are tricky for many of us.

Ram Das puts it: "Once you feel enlightened, go spend a week with your family."

The holidays can be a loving celebration, but also a time to confront relational conflicts and challenges.

Tara Brach gave a wonderful talk on this that I thought I'd share to remember that we're not alone with these challenges.

How do we prepare our hearts with caring and compassion? If we look back from year to year, the same pattern keeps playing out in relationships.

The wounding gets triggered around family. And during these dark cold days when we’re all inside together and amped up with pressures of consuming and shoulds, our nervous system is more vulnerable to getting hijacked. 

And for many of us, we are alone on the holidays. As a friend puts it, we are invited to celebrate the holidays with others and become the 13th wheel. 1 in 9 people are alone on the holidays. 

Understanding that so many are highly challenged this time of year, there’s a wide range of joys and sorrows, contrary to the media's portrayal of it being the most joyful time of the year.

So, we ask ourselves, how are we approaching the holidays? Are we tensing against some potential conflict with someone? Or anxiety about being judged? Is there anxiety about feeling out of place? About not belonging? 

For those of us who will be alone, are we anticipating or feeling shame? Is there loneliness, fear, or depression? What stories do you create about being alone? 

Just reflect for a moment on how we are approaching this. Just listen. Is there something that wants to be acknowledged or accepted?

I invite you to let this holiday spirit be an integral part of a spiritual path. Regardless of our situation, consider these days as holy days dedicated to sacred relationships - an open-hearted relating with our inner life and with others. 

Whatever difficult feelings arise during the holidays are so natural and so human.

To accept our feelings, not judge them but accept them.

Watch out for the word should that enters our thoughts, nobody should be anything. 

Everybody is on their own journey and their timeline of growth is not attached to our needs for them to be, act, or think any certain way.

I remind myself of these things when I get annoyed at other people’s behavior, and this helps me let go of unreasonable expectations. And lets them off the hook for my happiness.

Everyone is just like me in their need for health, happiness, and safety.

Everyone wants to be loved and accepted.

Everybody is just like me. 

And to be OK with not being ok -- that’s liberating.

If you'd like support leading up to the holidays and winter, we are here to help with the Emotional Endurance Program - you'll enjoy winter so much more with a sense of inner stability!

Blessings,

Maggie