How Good of a Listener Are You?

I was taking a hike with a friend last week and reflected on what kind of listener she is.

Although my friend is a kind, gentle soul who cares deeply, she often interrupts me to share her experiences. 

I know she’s unaware of it, and unknowingly, I probably do it too. Considering what it means to be a good listener, I'm reminded that the ears are the sense doors to the kidneys, which are energetically running strong in the winter.

This makes it the easiest time of year to strengthen our listening and attention.

A practice I’m working on is checking in with myself on anything I feel critical about - do I do that? Even if it’s not as extreme, I’m probably guilty of it, too, or it wouldn’t trigger me so much.

When we criticize others, it's time to look in the mirror!

So, let’s reflect on what kind of listener we are with our family and friends. When we’re not attuned to those close to us, it often leads to division and misunderstanding. 

Take a moment to reflect on what it means to be a good listener.

Thich Nhat Hanh, the well-known Vietnamese monk, teacher, and author, gave the most profound advice for listening when someone is suffering that I have used and am amazed by its effect.

He said it would be more effective to listen and hold space without giving any advice and then later share your feedback.

When I've put this into practice, I find that there's much more receptivity and appreciation when people feel they've been seen, heard, and considered. This practice also takes me out of trying to fix the issue immediately, which is often met with resistance.

When Someone Deeply Listens To You

By John Fox 

When someone deeply listens to you,

it is like holding out a dented cup you’ve had since childhood

and watching it fill up with cold, fresh water. 

When it balances on top of the brim, you are understood. 

When it overflows and touches your skin, you are loved. 

When someone deeply listens to you, the room where you stay starts a new life, and the place where you wrote your first poem

begins to glow in your mind’s eye. 

It is as if gold has been discovered! 

When someone deeply listens to you, your bare feet are on the earth,

and a beloved land that seemed distant is now at home within you.

To be seen and heard is such a gift.

May we all practice our deep listening to help heal the world.

Blessings,

Maggie